So Far Under
by Hippielover459
Summary: He was so far under, all he could see was her
1. Shoes

Notes: Soon-to-be depressing story about Draco Malfoy and Luna Lovegood. It will most likely move pretty fast. I'm not that good at stretching stories out. Ignore any errors and enjoy!  
Warning: Suicidal themes, self harm, cursing, the like  
Summary: He was so far under, all he could see was her  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything  
Reminder: Please review!

* * *

_Save me from the nothing I've become  
__-Evanescence, Bring Me to Life_

If it hadn't been for Mitchell Ride, some stupid seventh year who thought he was all that, I wouldn't have met Draco Malfoy. Mitchell had supposedly taken my shoes and magically glued them to the side of the Astronomy Tower. It was only the first weekend of the year, and he had already taken a lot of my possessions. Everyone. It seemed, had hidden something of mine in the five years I've been here at Hogwarts.

I waited in my room until the other girls headed to dinner. I was embarrassed by the fact that I was shoeless. When I was certain everyone was in the Great Hall, I hurried to the Astronomy Tower. I was halfway up the tower when someone came rushing down the stairs and knocked into me.

"Watch it!"

It was Draco Malfoy.

"Loony Lovegood? What are you doing here?"

"Luna," I mumbled, not looking at him; a habit that I was trying to break.

"What?" he demanded, his voice sounding sharp.

"My name is Luna." I told him, looking up to his face. I almost took a step back. His face had changed from the last time I had seen it, though it was last year and from a distance. It was thinner and paler, with dark bags under his eyes. There was something else, I just couldn't put my finger on it.

He shrugged, obviously not caring. That was typical; I knew that. There was a pause. I realized he was waiting for an answer to the second part of his question.

"Mitchell Ride magically glued my shoes to the side of the tower. I wouldn't care normally, but it's only the second week of school. I kind of need them."

"They're there."

I was shocked. "What were you doing, trying to fly like a Curly Eared Harot? They aren't good fliers."

He gave me a dirty look. "It's none of your business."

I shrugged. "Fine." He was right, it wasn't my business.

He sneered and pushed around me. I listened as his footsteps faded. He must be going to dinner now. A breeze met me when I stepped outside. I closed my eyes briefly. It felt so much better than the stuffy castle.

Remembering why I was there, I went to the edge of the tower and leaned against the short wall, looking around. I didn't see them. Maybe I had been lied to. Maybe my shoes were up in the Owlery, like last year.

I leaned farther over the wall and squinted hard. I saw them, about halfway down the tower, a good 20 or 30 feet down. I slipped and almost fell, but luckily caught my balance.

Breathing hard from the almost accident that would have left me dead, I pulled back from the edge.

"Accio shoes." I said, waving my wand.

Nothing happened. I tried again, using more force behind my words. Still nothing happened. I tried being more specific with, "Accio Luna Lovegood's shoes!"

Thankfully they came up the tower. The right shoe had a small tear on the side. I held it closer to my face. It wasn't that bad. I dropped the left shoe.

"Reparo," I mumbled, frustrated, as I bent down to pick up the shoe and leaving the tower.

After that day, I saw Draco Malfoy everywhere. Every time I looked up, he would be there. Sometimes I would even get a strange urge to turn around. He was always there. It was like I was his stalker.

Like a true stalker, I noticed little things here and there whenever I saw him. Like how he wasn't sneering as much as I remembered (he was always sneering). Or like how he looked uncomfortable with his friends (did Draco Malfoy have friends, or were they just followers?). And even like how he ignored Harry Potter, his rival since anybody can remember (actually, it was their first year, first night, when Harry refused to be Draco's friend), even when Harry taunted him.

And the worst part was nobody else seemed to notice.

I didn't like the fact that I had such a lock on him, and I hated the fact my eyes would follow him while he walked past me. But I couldn't look away.

He met my gaze once, just after Potions. I was leaving the dungeon, finally, while he was entering it.

I saw the hint of something, the same something from yesterday, in his eyes. I had heard of people putting walls up to hide what they were feeling, but I hadn't experienced it in life. That is, until that moment.

I tried to figure out what he was hiding in that passing second. He just sneered at me as he went strutting into the Potions classroom.

Sometimes I couldn't help but wonder what it was that drew me to him. What was it about him that made me so desperate to figure out the mystery that was Draco Malfoy.

Maybe it was because…he was just like me.

Actually, he was nothing like me. We lived in two completely different worlds. The only reason our paths crossed was because we went to school together.

This was going to drive me crazy.


	2. Always

Notes: I'm so sorry for the lack in updating! I just graduated from high school, if that counts for anything. Please read, ignore the errors, and enjoy!  
Warning: Suicidal themes, self harm, cursing, the like  
Summary: He was so far under, all he could see was her  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
Reminder: Please review!

* * *

_And I'm sick of the lie and you're too late.  
__-Evanescence, Call Me When You're Sober_

I woke up the next morning just as breakfast was starting. I rolled out of bed and got dressed quickly.

When I entered the Great Hall, the first thing I noticed was Draco Malfoy. This was getting ridiculous. I wish I knew how to turn off the radar lock. But he looked lonely, sitting at the end of the table, his head in his hands, and he was picking at his food.

No, _no,_ **no! **No more of this. I was just going to ignore him, ignore the urges to look at him, ignore everything and anything that had to do with Dr…that certain Slytherin.

"Is that blood on your shoes?" Somebody asked as I took a seat at the Ravenclaw table. I didn't know her name.

I looked down at my right shoe. There was nothing on it. I looked at the other one. Sure enough, there was a surprising large streak of what I assumed to be blood trailing halfway up the side of my shoe.

"I guess so," I replied, even though the girl had gone back to eating and talking with her friend. I sighed and grabbed the platter closest to me. The blood must have got there from the last Care of Magical Creatures class or something. Or maybe it wasn't blood, but paint or something. Though I have no idea where the paint would have came from. They were new shoes and I had only worn them at school, where there was no paint that I was aware of.

Okay, so who cares if there was blood on my shoes? It's not a big deal, and it would come off.

I finished my egg, turkey and hot sauce sandwich; I grabbed my bag and headed for Potions. Snape left me alone most of the time, so I didn't dread the class as much as some of my classmates.

Guess who I ran into while I was trying to go through the door? Yes, that's right, Draco Malfoy. He looked angry and distressed as he brushed past me. I refused to turn and follow him with my eyes, so I hurried into the room and went to my seat, which luckily didn't have a view of the hallway. Today in class we were making a Shrinking Potion. Halfway through the class period, someone blew up their potion, causing it to go everywhere. But besides that, nothing else interesting happened until lunch.

That's when I saw Draco Malfoy walk past the Great Hall. And not in the direction of the Slytherin common room either. I entered the Great Hall and was halfway to the table when my ever growing curiosity got the best of me and I followed him. Because I was a creeper; but at least I admit it.

After a little while, I truly believed he wasn't really going anywhere in particular, just walking around the school. But then went through the door that led to the staircase, which led to the Astronomy Tower. I swallowed hard, trying to decide to follow him up or not. At that moment I realized I was already up the stairs and in the little room Professor Sinistra stored extra telescopes and other various things for Astronomy class.

I bit my lip as I exited the room and entered to the tower. He was there, leaning over the edge, looking out at the distance. I let out a small cough. He jumped and whirled around.

"What are you doing up here, Draco?" I asked.

He actually looked confused, which was not the expression I would have expected. "Did you just call me Draco?"

I nodded. "It means dragon. Which is better, I think, then Malfoy. Bad faith isn't a good name. Besides," I told him, "I don't like nicknames."

"Then you must not like yours."

I shook my head. "What are you doing up here?" I repeated, moving away from the door, but still keeping my distance.

"Nothing."

Great, one word answers. "Nothing?"

"Nothing," he repeated.

I gave a little sigh. "Are you okay?" I asked without thinking.

"Fine."

Oh, even greater. Monosyllable answers.

"Why?" He asked.

I shrugged. "You just don't look very happy. Every time I see you, you look angry, or uneasy, or sad."

He suddenly looked angry. "Are you watching me?" He demanded.

My eyes widened. "No," I lied. "I see you in passing."

He let out an angry sigh and grabbed his bag and left without another word. I let out a sigh of my own and sat down, leaning against the low wall. That boy was seriously going to drive me insane. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.


	3. Realization

Notes: Yes, this chapter is short. It was necessary, but didn't work well with the next chapter, so I made it its own chapter. The next chapters longer though, I promise.  
Warning: Suicidal themes, self harm, cursing, the like  
Summary: He was so far under, all he could see was her  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
Reminder: Please review!

* * *

_Holding my last breath  
Safe inside myself  
Are all my thoughts of you  
__-Evanescence, My Last Breath_

_When I was at home during the holiday's, I had a tendency to watch a lot of Muggle TV. It was a strange, perverted, awkward, and mean thing. I was eleven when I first watched a TV show called _Not Broken_. It focused on things like anorexia, drugs, mental disorders, along with many other things._

_That's where I found myself. I knew it was a dream right away. I looked eleven and my hair reached my waist. It was the day before second year that I cut it. I was watching the show, wide eyed. Daddy was in his office, working on the new _Quibbler_. I stared at the TV in shock and slight repulsion. This shouldn't be allowed on TV. There must be a rule! Any second the show would disappear. It had to. There was blood everywhere, people were crying, there was yelling in the background, and something that was reflecting light._

_Without thinking, I grabbed the remote control (useless thing in my opinion, it kept running off. I suspected that a swarm of Heliopaths were to blame) and clicked to television off. Finally, I was free from those mind-boggling and nightmare-inducing images._

I jerked awake. It was dark. It took me a moment to remember where I was. Then it came back to me. I was in the Astronomy Tower. I must have fallen asleep. I looked at my watch and squinted at the face. It was almost nine o'clock. That meant I had about five minutes to make my way to the Ravenclaw Tower. I made my way as quickly as I could, trying to remain silent and stay in the shadows. I didn't want a detention, and I wasn't in the mood to get yelled at.

"Cutting curfew a little close." The bronze eagle said.

I rolled my eyes. "I know, I know. Can I just have the riddle please?

"No sooner spoken than broken."

I thought about it for only about a thirty seconds. "Silence."

"Correct!" The door swung open. Having a password seemed to make more sense to me. What if someone just had a thing for solving riddles? They could easily access the Tower.

I walked up the stairs that led to the dormitories, ignoring the snickers the followed me. Ignoring the laughter and the insults and the looks was much easier than confronting them.

I put my pajamas on and crawled into bed. I was just about to fall asleep once again when suddenly it hit me. I bolted upright, shaking.

There had to be a mistake. I didn't know him, at all really, but Draco Malfoy could _not_ be that stupid. . .could he? I threw myself backwards into my pillow and tried to erase the images from my mind. I hate to admit it, but they all _did_ make perfect sense. The sadness, the loneliness, the quick changing emotion, the not eating, the not sleeping, the no friends---

The blood on my shoes.

I sat back upright. Maybe I was just over reacting, but every piece fell into place and the message was clear.

I had to do something.


	4. Confessions

Notes: Okay, I don't want any hate for this chapter. It's called fanfiction for a reason. This is probably the longest chapter so far and there is a good chance it will remain the longest for a good while. And I might not be able to update soon because I get my wisdom teeth out tomorrow. Other than that, ignore the errors and enjoy!  
Warning: Suicidal themes, self harm, cursing, the like  
Summary: He was so far under, all he could see was her  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
Reminder: **Please review!**

* * *

_Without the mask  
Where will you hide?  
I can't find yourself  
Lost in your lie  
I know the truth now  
I know who you are  
__-Evanescence, Everybody's Fool_

Only thing, it took me two weeks before I saw him by himself again. He must have realized that I was watching him (not my fault, _honestly_) and tried to cover himself up. It seemed like I was the still the only one who could see the truth, and I _still _didn't like that.

The first time I saw him alone since the last time a fortnight ago, I wasn't even looking for him. I was on my way back to the common room when he passed me. Of course I was surrounded by other Ravenclaws (even if they were all ignoring me) so he didn't notice me. I turned around to follow him (because I'm a creep, remember?); somebody bumped into me, but I realized where he was going. I took a determined deep breath and began following him. And of course, he was heading to the Astronomy Tower. I was getting a little tired of this. I still wanted to know why I was so drawn to him. And I didn't want to try talking to him only to be shut down and abandoned. I pushed through the crowd (pushed and crowd are being used lightly) and made my way to the tower. I opened the door and looked up the stairs. I took another deep breath and made my way up the stairs myself.

I slowly pushed open the door and stepped outside. The air was surprisingly cold and I shivered as I stepped forward. Draco was there, hands on the low wall, leaning farther over the edge than I felt comfortable with.

"Draco?"

He jumped and whirled around. "What are you doing here?" he demanded.

I leaned against the wall behind me. "I could ask you the same thing."

He looked at me. When I met his gaze, he looked away quickly. The pained look in his eyes made me shiver again.

"Why are you up here again?"

He shrugged and leaned forward on the wall again, his arms crossed. His back was to me, an obvious clue he wanted me to leave. It was a good thing I wasn't discouraged that easily.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

He turned to look back at me slowly, but his gaze was sharp. I almost regretted asking. Almost.

"Nothing," he said.

Yeah, like I'm stupid. "Tell the truth."

He turned away again.

Okay, you want to be this way, "Fine," I told him, pushing off the wall. "I won't lie to you. I really wish you would tell me what's going on with you, but I have to respect the fact that you don't have to." I headed to the door and was in the doorway when his voice said from behind me so quietly I almost didn't hear it,

"Wait."

I looked back. He was still facing away from me. He turned to look at me slowly once again. He moved his head to the side. For a second I thought he wasn't going to say anything, but then he stood up and met me gaze.

"Do you really want to know?" He asked.

"That's why I've been asking." What I wanted to say was _oh my stars, please tell me I've been going insane thinking about this and the curiosity is killing me!_ But I had a feeling if I had said that, he would have thought I was crazy which would lead him to not tell me a thing.

There was a long pause. He wasn't looking at me again. Just as I began to think this was all some kind of game, I heard myself asking, "Are you going to tell me or not?" I didn't mean to sound so bitter and cold. I didn't even know that I _could _sound bitter and cold.

Draco looked up at me one last time. "No."

Why was I wasting my time? I was confused out of my mind. Why did he have to confuse me so much? I sighed.

"I'm going to show you."

I surprised myself with the anger that rose. I wasn't typically an angry person. I took a deep breath and held it for ten seconds. I took a few steps, closing the space between us. I looked up at him. And moving slowly, Draco raised his left arm and pulled back the sleeve. I gasped involuntarily. I had been right, as much as I hate to admit it.

Long, angry red cuts covered his arm. I leaned close and squinted in the poor light. Crisscrossing over each other, the cuts made shapes and pictures in my minds eye. I could see raised scars under the cuts. It was as if he had run out of room and it didn't matter where he did it anymore.

I could see Draco looking at me out of the corner of my eye. "There _has _to be a story behind these."

He let out a short laugh without humor. "Not a happy one."

I glanced up at him, memorized. "Did you just make a joke?"

He shrugged. I continued to stare at him. How could he make a joke, no matter how small, about something, that to me, seemed so big and important?

"Don't look at me like that," he snapped

I blinked and looked away. "Sorry." I said quickly. "I was just surprised."

"Surprised?" He repeated, sounding cold.

"About you making jokes." I glanced up at him through my lashes. He was looking down at me. "Are you going to tell me?" I asked. It would be my luck that he would show me his secret, and then leave without a word.

"My father does important things and it makes him stressed. I'm not saying I don't deserve it, I'm just saying maybe he shouldn't take it out on me. I know I should stay out of his way, but sometime's I can't help it. After all, I _am _his son and we _do _live in the same house."

I was surprised and slightly horrified by what he was saying. I had only figured out _what_ he was doing, not _why_ he was doing it. I suddenly found myself sitting next to him, my knees pulled up to my chest, squeezing my hands together as he continued talking. He would glance at me occasionally and then quickly look away. I stared at him as he kept talking and I stayed silent. I was afraid if I spoke, he would clam up and refuse to say another word.

I'm not sure how much time passed before Draco took a deep, uneven breath and stopped talking. I sat there for a long moment before I finally mumbled, "Wow."

Draco looked over at me.

"I think you should tell-"

"I'm not telling anybody anything." He snapped, eyes narrowing. "I don't even know why I told you." He stood up quickly; I followed him with my eyes as he headed towards the door. He turned back to me. "If you tell anyone, I'll deny it and no one will believe you. After all, you are Loony Lovegood." And with that, he left.


	5. Caring

Notes: So, how about I freaked out over getting my wisdom teeth out. It wasn't as bad as people say, for me at least. I was told Draco doesn't go out of character in this chapter, but if you think he does, keep in mind that this is a fanfiction, so it's bound to happen. Ignore the mistakes and enjoy!  
Warning: Suicidal themes, self harm, cursing, the like  
Summary: He was so far under, all he could see was her  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
Reminder: **Please review!**

* * *

_Blurring and stirring  
__The truth and the lies  
So I don't know what's real  
__And what's not  
__-Evanescence, Going Under_

Hours passed, then days, and then weeks. The first day it snowed was the next time I saw Draco from more than a few feet. I tried to not look at him and look at him at the same time. I wasn't sure if I should just look at him all the time, like I knew everything and I was worried about him. Or if I should ignore him the best to my ability. I didn't think either of those choices was the correct one. So I just acted as normally as I could and if I saw him, I tried to give him the same look I gave anybody else I made eye contact with. We only made eye contact twice and both times before I glanced away, the look on his face was almost impossible to read. I knew that it wasn't a mean look, or a worried look. I just don't know what it was _exactly_.

But I was scared for him. I didn't know what he was doing and I didn't know what he planned to do. All I wanted to know he was okay. Well, obviously he wasn't okay-okay, but just okay. I also wanted to tell somebody, I wanted to go to the next professor I saw and just tell them everything and not stop talking until I was done. But Draco was right. As he said, I was only Loony Lovegood. No one would listen to me. No one would believe me. No one would help him. I wanted to help him, but I was afraid he would just turn me down. I had never been afraid of anything until I met Draco Malfoy. I didn't like it.

I stood in the library, looking down a row of books at the person I was trying to avoid and stay close too. It seemed inevitable, like maybe I was meant to help him, if you believe in that stuff. I tried just walking away. As I was doing just that, I bumped into somebody.

"Watch it!" It was Teresa Holland, a fellow Ravenclaw, in her sixth year and her friend, who by the looks of it was a Hufflepuff. "Look where you're going Loony," she snapped as she bent down to pick up her book. "What are you doing here anyway? " Like I would tell her anything, especially not the truth. "Researching the Rumpled-Back Snorlax?"

I couldn't help myself. "It's called a Crumple-Horned Snorkack." I mumbled, looking down.

"What?" Her friend demanded.

"It's a Crumple-Horned Snorkack." I said louder.

They started laughing. I felt myself blushing. God, I hated being teased. I don't make fun of others and what they believe in. Why can't people just leave me alone?

They pushed past me, still laughing. I wanted to leave. Then I remembered why I was there. I took the couple steps back to where Draco was. He was still there, only looking in my direction as if waiting for me.

"Teresa Holland is a waste of magic."

I blinked. Did Draco Malfoy really just say that to me. "How did you know that's who it was?" I asked.

"Her voice is repulsive." That made me smile. "And I saw her walk by."

I took a few steps closer, looking around. It's not that I didn't want people to see me with him, I figured _he _didn't want to be seen with _me_.

"What are you doing here anyway?" He practically demanded, putting his quill down and leaning back in his chair.

"Well, I came here to get a book," that was obvious, "and I saw you, before Teresa and I wanted to ask," I paused. He gave me a look, "if you were okay."

He shrugged. "I'm fine. Never better."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Are you lying? Because it seems highly unfair if you are."

"How is it unfair?" He asked, already looking skeptical of my future answer.

"It's unfair because you can't just tell somebody something like…like that, then _insult _them before leaving, and then just stop talking to that person."

"Okay."

I let out a small cry of frustration. "You've got to be joking!" I felt like throwing my hands in the air, but I controlled myself. "Even you can't possibly be this mean." I took a breath. I was _normally _a nice person but now that I started, I couldn't stop myself from continuing. "Or maybe you are. But considering you trusted me with something, you could be nice to me. I'm sure it wouldn't kill you. I don't know why I care so much about you when you don't care for yourself at all!"

He blinked, looking confused. "What did you say?"

"'I don't know why I care so much about you when you don't care for yourself at all.' That part?"

He didn't respond, he just stared at me for a moment before he gathered up his stuff, pushed past me and left without another word. I stared after him, more confused then ever. I was also feeling a bit guilty for almost yelling at him. Here I was trying to be a good person and try to help and what do I do? I tell him off and make him leave. Good job Lovegood, good job.


	6. Lying

Notes: This is just a random chapter I wrote. And if Draco is out of character, okay, whatever, it happens. Remember: fanfiction. Ignore the errors and enjoy.  
Warning: Suicidal themes, self harm, cursing, the like  
Summary: He was so far under, all he could see was her  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
Reminder: **IF YOU READ THIS CHAPTER, PLEASE REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW! Even if you only say _hey, I read this,_ that would work.**

_

* * *

_

Don't try to fix me  
_I'm not broken  
Hello, I'm the lie living for you  
__So you can hide  
__-Evanescence, Hello_

I was on my way to Herbology when a group blocked my path. I only recognized two by name. Pansy Parkinson and Millicent Bulstrode. Oh, make that four people. Blaise Zabini and Draco Malfoy were standing off to the side. So they weren't really part of the group that stopped me, but I could still include them.

"I saw you talking to my Drakie." Pansy said, crossing her arms over her chest.

I was confused. "Drakie?" I repeated.

Pansy sneered and rolled her eyes. "Draco."

My eyes widened a little. "Oh."

"Yeah, I saw you. Don't deny it. What were you talking about?"

"You saw me, or you heard me?"

"Don't try to be clever." Millicent snapped. She was the one that frightened me the most, because I knew she wouldn't even bother with magic. She would just attack me with her fists. "We're only going to ask you one more time. What were you talking about?"

My eyes flickered to Draco for the briefest of moments. He glanced up at the sound of his name being mentioned and must of realized what was going on because he saw me and paled.

My eyes went back to Pansy's. I thought up the first lie I could. "I saw a Nargle about to attack. It's very odd, since they only inhabit mistletoe and are very gentle creatures. Somebody must have disturbed its home to make it behave like that. My father will be very pleased to hear about this."

The group started to roar with laughter. It actually hurt my ears.

"Loony," one of the girls behind Millicent said through her laughter, "you are crazy."

"No wonder you don't have any friends." Someone added before the laughter started up again.

I swallowed hard. "I have friends." I said, but they couldn't hear me over their laughter.

I stole a glance at Draco, and noticed that he wasn't laughing. Instead he was staring rather intently at everything but us. Why wasn't he laughing? None of his friends noticed his lack of enthusiasm for their mockery, which is surprising considering he _was _their leader.

With the group still laughing at me, I pushed through them and made my way to class. I was embarrassed, but at the same time I realized didn't care that much. Of course I wish that didn't happen, but wishing never got anyone anywhere.

Just once I'd like to do something so surprising that it would make people leave me alone, if only for a little while.

I stayed quiet during Care of Magical Creatures and decided to skip lunch. I wasn't hungry and I wasn't in the mood for another confrontation, or another name-calling laugh fest.

"The more there is, the less you see." The doorknocker asked,

"Darkness," I said after a minute and the door opened and I went inside. I was the only in the room, metaphor of my life, so I sat down in a chair closest to the fireplace and planned on just sitting there until people started coming in for the things they would need for their afternoon classes when I heard a soft tapping noise. I looked around but didn't see anything. I shrugged it off as nothing until the noise got louder. I looked around again and saw an owl sitting on one of the window ledges. I walked over to the window and pulled it open. The owl stretched its leg out. I saw my name on it and quickly untied it as the owl flew away.

I unrolled it while making my way back to my chair.

_Meet me in the Astronomy Tower at dinner.  
__DM_

I almost laughed out loud. There was no way Draco Malfoy would send me a note, especially not one asking me to meet him. Anywhere. Wish my luck, Pansy probably wrote this. She was probably trying to get back at me for talking to _her Drakie_. Well, people may think I'm stupid, but I'm not. I'm not going to fall for this. I'm a _Ravenclaw_, after all. I don't fall for just any old trick.

I folded the parchment as I left for my afternoon classes.

I was halfway to Defense Against the Dark Arts when I passed the same group of Slytherins from this morning. When they saw me, they burst into laughter again. I looked away from them when I saw Draco. He looked down at my hand that had "his note" crumpled in it. He looked back up at me and as we passed each other, he nodded once. I turned my head to look at the back of his and decided to go to the tower tonight.

The rest of the day dragged on, giving me a lot of time to think about what I was going to do, which gave me a lot of times to change my mind. But when my last class ended for the day, I made my way to the tower. If it turned out to be a joke, I'd just leave and endure the humiliation just like I always did: in silence. And if somehow it wasn't a joke, I wasn't sure what I would do.

I pushed the door opened and stopped. Draco was standing in the same spot he was in the last time we had been up here. He turned at the sound I made.

We stood in silence for a moment, just staring at each other. I finally broke it with, "Hi." Original, I know.

He replied with, "see you got the note."

I couldn't stop myself from asking the question that was on my mind. "This isn't a trick, is it?"

"A trick?" He repeated.

"You didn't send me the note so I'd come up here and have Pansy Parkinson and Millicent Bulstrode laugh at me and call me more names, did you? Because I have a daily teasing limit and it's been reached."

"It's not a trick." The intense look he was giving me made me believe him. "I wanted to uh…to thank you."

I blinked at him stupidly. "You're thanking me?" It came out more of a question than the statement I was aiming for.

"Those words are capable of coming out of my mouth you know," He said, sounding sharp.

"Oh, no, I know that." I said quickly. "I just wasn't expecting it, that's all." I paused. "Why are you thanking me?"

"For not telling the others about…the thing I told you."

Why was it everything this boy did surprised me? I shrugged. "It's not like they'd believe me anyway. After all, I am Loony Lovegood." I repeated with bitterness coming through as I remembered him saying it himself, not once, but twice.

"That was rude of me, wasn't it?" He asked, looking up at me.

I nodded. "A little." I told him honestly. "But I'm used to it."

"Maybe you shouldn't have to be."

That surprised me. Again. I started twirling my necklace between my fingers..

"What is that?" He asked, jerking his head in my direction.

I glanced down. "It's a necklace of butterbeer corks-"

"No, the other one."

I looked up at him, taken aback by the fact he could see it from where he was standing.

The necklace he was asking about was a small hand blown glass jewel that was a pretty pastoral green that measured one inch and was attached to a simple chain. At least that's what the Muggle shopkeeper had said,

"It's a necklace that was my mothers before she died." I told him, still twirling it. "My grandmother bought it for her when she became of age, but I got it after she died."

"It's nice."

I couldn't take it anymore. I was going to ruin this entire moment we were having. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

He did this weird little half smile that didn't last long as he sat down against the low wall and crossed his legs out in front of him. "Because you listen when I talk," he paused, then added, "and from what I've seen, if I wasn't, who would be?"

I hated the fact that I had to agree with him. He once again surprised me by jerking his head again to the side, silently asking me to sit down. I shrugged and made my way over and sat next to him, keeping enough space between us so we would be feel comfortable. This was not what I had expected coming up here, but I would take it.


	7. Kiss

Notes: Yes, I haven't updated in a while. I know. I'm sorry. I hope this chapter makes up for it. Oh, and if Draco is out of character, don't want to sound rude, but deal with it. It's a fanfiction. It's bound to happen. But just ignore the errors and enjoy.  
Warning: Suicidal themes, self harm, cursing, the like  
Summary: He was so far under, all he could see was her  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
Reminder: **Please review!**

* * *

_I'm frightened by what I see  
But somehow I know that  
__There's much more to come  
Immobilized by my fear  
And soon to be blinded by tears  
__-Evanescence, Whisper_

I stayed in the Astronomy Tower with Draco until the nine o'clock curfew was about to hit and we had to leave. At first the conversation was forced, and awkward, but after a while, it was like we had been friends for a long time. I had heard people say that before, but now I fully understood the meaning of it. There wasn't much to say about our talk, but one thing really surprised me. And it was Draco Malfoy was stunning when he laughed. There was no other word I could think of to describe it. It was infectious and once he started, I had a hard time stopping. I went to bed feeling…light, I guess would be the right word, and happy. The next morning at breakfast daddy sent the newest Quibbler that came with free Spectrespecs. I put it aside and started working on my homework, a routine I had developed first year. When I was done, I grabbed the magazine and headed to the library to read it in peace. It was Saturday, so a few people were there, but not as many as I expected. I sat down near the front and opened the magazine. Just before I put the Spectrespecs on, I heard a loud cough and without thinking, I turned to look. Draco was sitting a few feet away from me, listening to one of his friends talk, but he must have seen me looking out of the corner of his eye because he waved. Forcing down a smile, I faked a stretch and waved back.

I wonder…no, I wasn't even going to finish that thought. It seemed like there was a hundred Heliopaths in fluttering in my stomach.

I turned away and put the Spectrespecs on. Everything was in 3D. I loved it, it looked amazing.

"Hello Luna."

I looked up from my magazine. Ginny Weasley was standing in front of me.

"Hi," I said, somewhat surprised.

She sat down. "How are you?"

"Spectacular." I said. I didn't know why she cared, seeing as she kind of stopped talking to me after the battle at the Department of Mysteries last year.

She opened her mouth to say something, but out of nowhere can a little swan looking piece of parchment flying towards me. I caught it and looked around. Once again I caught Draco's eye. His friend was laughing. I felt somewhat afraid of when the note would say as I opened it.

_Meet me again in the Astronomy Tower at lunch._

Ginny read the paper upside down and made a noise of disgust. "Malfoy is such a lowlife!"

I looked up at her, confused. "What?"

She looked at me. "You read the note, you know what I mean!"

I chanced a glance and Draco again. He pointed at his temple. I slid my Spectrespecs off. In place of the semi-nice message: _How much did you have to pay the Weaslette to pretend to be your friend? _was written instead.

I looked back at Ginny. "It's not a big deal."

"It's a very big deal," she disagreed.

I rolled my eyes. "He's not the only one who makes fun of me. And not to be rude," I added as I placed my Spectrespecs on for hopefully the last time, "I would like to read this. It's new, daddy just sent it."

Getting the hint, Ginny said her goodbyes and left, but not without giving Draco the dirtiest look I had ever seen on her way out.

---

"That was clever of you," I said when I met him later at the Tower. He was sitting in what was becoming his usual spot.

"I know." He replied. "Couldn't have the Weasley girl go blab to Potter." He spat the name out. Instead of saying something about his disgust for the people that I called my friends, I said, "if you keep asking me to meet you here during meals, I'm going to get sick."

He motioned to the side. There was a box sitting by itself. "That's why I went to the kitchens and got some of what they were serving for lunch."

I smiled a little. "Draco Malfoy thought of someone other than himself?" I teased.

He shrugged. "It's been known to happen." He pulled the box over and began taking things out of it like bread, pumpkin juice, chicken, beef, peas and carrots, and chocolate éclairs. "I didn't know what you liked."

"I like everything." I told him, smiling widely this time. "This is very sweet of you." I paused. "Who are you and what have you done with Draco Malfoy?"

"Keep it up and you won't get any."

---

Having a friendship with Draco turned out to be a very complicated thing. Because after that lunch, it was like he dropped off the planet. I would see him once or twice, but he didn't see me and made no attempts to do so. I started getting worried. There was a part of me, I won't lie, that just didn't want to care. But the part of me that cared and wanted to help him was larger than the other, so I spent all my time worried about him. I tried to catch his eye whenever I saw him, but it didn't work. His mood swings were beginning to give me whiplash.

Finally, I had enough. I started going to the Astronomy Tower after dinner to see if he was there. The first three or four times I went, he wasn't there. I almost didn't go the fifth time, but I did, vowing it would be the last time. After that, if Draco needed/wanted me, he'd have to get a hold of me himself.

I open the door and a rush a cold air hit me in the face, but he was there. Leaning against the low wall, just like a lot of the other times.

"Where have you been?" I asked, trying not to sound rude or shill. I didn't do such a good job. "I've been trying to get your attention for the past week. Why are you acting like this?"

"Leave me alone," he whispered, not looking at me.

"Draco, what-"

"Leave. Me. Alone." He repeated louder.

I looked at him; suddenly feeling like my world was collapsing on me. "Why won't you talk to me?"

He whirled around, looking angry. "Why? What's the point? It's not like I mean anything to you anyway."

I took a deep breath and shocked the both of us when I opened my mouth and whispered, "You mean everything to me."

Draco's head snapped up and our eyes met. He looked away, and then looked back quickly. Then he surprised me by closing the distance between us, taking my face in his hands, and kissing me.

It wasn't who I thought I'd be sharing my first kiss with, but it was how I always imagined it. And it wasn't how I thought kissing Draco Malfoy would be either. I thought that it would be hard, and not in the complicated way, but it was soft. That's the only way I could describe it.

Besides perfect.


	8. Christmas

Notes: This chapter skips around a lot. Only a few more chapters to go. Yay. Then I can start working on my other Harry Potter fanfiction, and then my Minutemen fanfiction. I'm excited. I stole a line from The Breakfast Club in the third section. That is obviously not mine. Ignore the errors, possible out of characterness, and enjoy.  
Warning: Suicidal themes, self harm, cursing, the like  
Summary: He was so far under, all he could see was her  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
Reminder: **Please review!**

* * *

_Don't close your eyes  
(God knows what lies behind them)  
Don't turn out the light  
(Never sleep, never die)  
-Evanescence, Whisper_

Somehow after our kiss, Draco Malfoy and I began our life as a couple. It was like an unspoken arrangement, but one that was clearly understood. We started meeting at the Astronomy Tower every night until it got too cold. Then we just moved to the small room at the top of the stairs. It wasn't as warm as other locations in the castle, but it could have been colder. Almost every time we met, Draco would go off on a rant about his day, or his friends, or his father. I would just sit there, listening, while tracing a finger around our more often than not, intertwined hands. He never asked if I was listening, because I guess he just assumed I was.

I was getting ready to leave when I turned back to Draco. He always stayed a little later than I did, whether it was for alone time or because he could get out of trouble I didn't know. He had just spent the last hour going on about something. The other time was spent talking about other, lighter topics, though, so I wasn't worried that this relationship revolved around him.

"You know," I said. He looked up at me. I tried to put no bitterness or sarcasm in my voice as I continued. "Maybe one of the times we meet up here, we can talk about me and what's going on in _my _life." I gave him a small smile that hopefully showed him I wasn't upset before I left for bed.

---

"You know, sooner or later, somebody's going to notice that neither of us are never at meals." I opened my mouth as Malfoy placed a fry in it. "And they'll get suspicious." I chewed thoughtfully.

"Does it bother you?" He asked, stretched and pushing our food away.

"Does it bother _you?"_ I shot back.

He didn't reply, but leaned back so his head was in my lap. As much as his not answering bothered me, I let it go. I bit my lip as I began raking my fingers through his hair.

Without thinking, I bent down and kissed the tip of his nose. His smile looked automatic. A small laugh escaped my lips.

"What?" he asked, smile faltering a little.

"You're kind of beautiful when you smile." I smiled slightly, feeling embarrassed.

He rolled his eyes, but didn't respond. And he kept smiling.

"So," he said after a moment. "What's going on in _your _life."

I immediately recognized that from what I said last night. I felt even more embarrassed because I had nothing interesting to talk about. Luckily, I was saved with the bell signaling the fact that I had 5 minutes to get from the Astronomy Tower to the other side of the school for my next class. I stood up quickly. Draco never had to worry about class after lunch since he had a free period.

"I have to go," I said, grabbing my bag quickly. Draco stood up as I headed to the door.

"Hey," he said with a tone I recognized.

I turned back around, smiling. I leaned forward and kissed him before hurrying down the stairs towards Potions.

---

My books flew out of my hands and all my papers scattered. I sighed and began collecting my parchment and shoved them in books they probably didn't belong in. Everybody around me was laughing. I happened to glance up and in the mix of the small crowed, I saw Draco. He saw me and gave me a pity look. I didn't want his pity. I didn't want anybody's. I looked away as I gathered the last of my papers and hurried away, leaving the still going laughter behind me. This sort of thing had been happening a lot lately. It was almost as if they (by _they, _I mean _everybody_) could tell I was happy and didn't like it so they had to tear me down. People kept knocking my books out of my hand and calling me names. I needed a larger book bag because only two of my books would fit in it and I always needed at least four. That left me vulnerable.

I was sitting in the small room in the Astronomy Tower when I heard footsteps. I figured they were Draco's, but at the same time I didn't care if they weren't.

"You aren't mad, are you?"

It was Draco. I turned to him slowly. He was just standing there, not showing any emotion.

I shook my head. "No."

He sighed in what I believe was relief, and sat next to me, taking my hand. He turned to me. "I got an owl from father today."

"Oh." That wasn't good enough of an answer. "What did he say?"

"He said there's no way I can stay here for Christmas with the kids '_whose parents don't want them home for the holidays_.'" He did one-handed air quotations.

"Do you think it'll be bad?" I couldn't help but ask.

He shrugged. "It'll either be bad or fine. There's no real in between with him."

I glanced over at him. "When was the last time you. . . You know. . . ?"

It was strange how awkward I felt asking him about cutting. I was fine thinking about it, but not talking about it. Draco didn't seem fazed by my questions, but he refused to go into deep detail about it, though I wasn't sure why.

"A little more than a month." I smiled. I was happy for him. "But I don't want to talk about that now." He let go and reached into his pocket. "Since holiday starts tomorrow, I have your Christmas present."

"You didn't have to get me anything!" I said, reaching behind me. "I got you something too, though."

"You first."

I pulled the gift out from behind my back and handed it to him. "I didn't know what to get, I hope you like it. And if you don't, pretend to." I told him as he ripped the paper off. "It's a journal."

"I'll use it everyday." He kissed the top of my head.

"I know you're lying, but thanks."

He handed me a box from his pocket. I tore the paper off and opened it. Inside was a beautiful silver bracelet with blue beads. I couldn't tell if it was expensive or inexpensive, but it didn't matter.

"I love it," I whispered, lifting it out of the box. I held it out to him. "Make yourself useful?" I asked, holding out my wrist and he clasped it on.

"Thank you." I told him, looking at it again "I'll wear it everyday."

He smiled. "Good."

---

Draco left the next day with the rest of the students going home for Christmas. He was surrounded by his friends, as he said he must likely would be, so he said goodbye the night before after exchanging presents. He also warned me that he might not be able to write, for fear his father, or somebody close to him, would intercept the owl. As much as I didn't like it, as much as I didn't want him to leave, I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to cause him unnecessary guilt or emotion like that. Because I'm such a nice person.

Unfortunately, the people who stayed that holiday were _not_ nice people. And apparently holidays meant nothing to them because they kept being mean. If I wasn't so uncomfortable with confrontation, I would stand up for myself. Standing up to one person is easier than fifty, and that's only a slight exaggeration.

I was stopped in the hallway on my way to the Christmas Feast by a group of seventh year Ravenclaw girls whose names I didn't know.

Who's mean on Christmas for heavens sake? That's what I wanted to know when they started on me. What, can't they make fun of somebody their own age? I guess not. I tried to ignore what they were saying because, _it was Christmas_ and I wasn't in the mood to be teased.

I was waiting for them to leave when I was jerked to attention when one said, "You know, Loony, you don't even _count._ I mean, if you disappeared forever it wouldn't make any difference. You may as well not even _exist _at this school."

The girls laughed and walked away. I stood watching them as they grew smaller and disappeared from sight. I headed to the kitchens and tickled the pear. One of the house elves looked up at me. "How can Dobby be helping you?"

I looked at him, but looked through him. "I'm can't go to the feast tonight, I was wondering…" I trailed off, embarrassed.

"You was wondering if you could get food, you were?" Dobby asked. I nodded. "No need to be embarrassed! Dobby will help you!" He scurried away and returned quickly with a tray loaded with a steak, potatoes, carrots and a chocolate éclair, a strawberry jam doughnut and some silverware. I thanked Dobby, who nodded, and left, hurrying back to the Ravenclaw Tower.

By the time I reached my room, I was crying. I slammed the tray down on my nightstand and kicked it. The pain in my foot was only surpassed by the pain in the rest of my body. The tray fell when I kicked the nightstand. I didn't care.

_You don't even count._

I fell to my knees, the room blurring as more tears came. I had no idea what about that affected me more than anything else anyone has ever said to me. Probably because it was true.

_If you disappeared forever it wouldn't make any difference._

I sobbed loudly. It was true. Nobody cared about me. Nobody would notice if something happened to me. Nobody would notice if there was a seat empty in the classroom, one extra place at dinner, one extra anything.

_You may as well not even exist at this school._

No. Draco would care; he would miss me. God, I wished I was with him, because he could make me stop feeling like this. He would-

All thoughts stopped when my eyes fell on the knife that Dobby had placed on the tray for my steak. It seemed to shine even in the dull light of the dormitory.

I reached forward and picked it up. It felt heavy in my hand. I tried to put it back down. Draco would be disappointed.

_You don't even count. _

The knife looked sharp. I raised it to my arm and slowly started moving it back and forth, wondering how much pressure it would need to-

_If you disappeared forever _

The pain quickly faded as a blood drop ran down my arm. I could breathe a little better. I made another cut, and breath came even easier.

_Wouldn't make any difference. _

The tears stopped falling. I sniffled. I grabbed a napkin off the floor and wiped the blood off my arm and tried cleaning up. I hid the knife in my nightstand drawer.

_You may as well not even exist at this school._

When I laid down to go the bed that night, one thought repeated itself in my mind. And it was that Draco was going to be so mad at me.

* * *


	9. Love

Notes: This chapter also skips around a lot. And I'll be honest, the story goes downhill from here. When I hit this spot, I just wanted the story over. There might be out of characterness going on still. Ignore the errors and enjoy!  
Warning: Suicidal themes, self harm, cursing, the like  
Summary: He was so far under, all he could see was her  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
Reminder: **Please review!**

* * *

_I look in the mirror and see your face  
If I look deep enough  
So many things inside that  
Just like you are taking over  
__-Evanescence, Taking Over Me_

I was lying in the small room before the tower. If one of my roommates wasn't in bed with a bad cold, I'd be in there. Today was the day the students who went home for the holidays came back. Classes started up again tomorrow.

I heard the door open, but didn't look at it. I knew who it was. "I was looking for you."

I felt Draco come in and stand next to me. I still didn't look at him. I was feeling too ashamed of what had happened; what I had done to myself; what I had done to myself again, later, when the same girls teased me again.

"Good to know." I told him. Maybe if I was rude, he would leave me alone. It's what I deserved.

"Luna?" He asked, sitting down next to me. "Are you okay?"

"Perfect." I said, sounding far from perfect.

"Then why won't you look at me?"

I sighed softly before turning my head to him.

He looked worried. "What's wrong?" He asked again.

"Nothing." I said, half wishing he would just go away. I honestly didn't deserve worried looks or company; especially if the company had a worried look on their face. "I'm fine." I looked back up at the ceiling.

"Don't lie to me." He said, sounding more like a Malfoy then I would ever tell him. "You're acting funny. You're acting like-" He stopped and looked down at me. There was _no way _he figured it out. He would have to be psychic, and I happened to know for a fact that he wasn't. I started to panic, my heart pounding at a frightening rate.

Slowly, as though to torture me, Draco reached a hand out and tugged at my sleeve, pulling it up passed my elbow until it wouldn't move anymore. And he gasped. I knew he was seeing four perfectly straight lines going across my arm.

"Luna," he moaned, turning away.

"It only happened twice," I whispered. He didn't look back at me. "What?" placing my hand on his arm.

"I'm disgusted."

I jerked back as if I had been burned. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. My face was burning. I almost started to cry. "If that's how you feel." I stood up.

Draco caught my arm. "Not with you. With myself. It's my fault."

I kneeled next to him. "It's not. Don't you remember a while ago when you asked how I knew? You weren't the first person to introduce me to this, remember? Don't go blaming yourself for something I might have gotten into even without you."

"Why?" He asked.

"I'm sorry?" I said, confused.

He looked up at me. "What made you do this?"

With that, I launched into the short story about the Ravenclaw seventh years.

* * *

_'Cause you were made for me  
Somehow I'll make you see  
How happy you make me  
__-Evanescence, Forgive Me_

"What are you thinking about?" I asked Draco the next day. "And don't lie; you have never been good at it."

After I told my story yesterday, we agreed on two things. To never cut again, and to drop the subject of it all together. I was perfectly okay with that. I didn't particularly enjoy either of those things. Talking about it made me embarrassed that I did it and doing it hurt a lot after the release faded away.

"No, I'm good at telling lies. You're just good at seeing through them." He sighed and looked at me. "I was just thinking." He paused and stood up. "About yesterday."

"I thought we weren't talking about that anymore." I interrupted.

"About every other day before that." He continued as though I hadn't said anything. "And about how I'm no good for you."

My body went cold. "Don't say that." I whispered.

"I'm no good for you. I can see that now."

"Don't say that!" I repeated. "Don't ever say that again." I stomped my foot. "You have no idea what you're talking about. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. Before you, nobody looked at me twice. People teased me."

"People still tease you." He said, sounding bitter.

I let out a sharp sigh of anger. "Yes, but I can get through it now because I can talk to somebody who cares." I laughed without humor. "Bloody hell, I can talk to somebody! Do you know how lonely a person can get after years of almost complete silence?" I threw my hands in the air, something I felt silly for doing, but I was so angry, it was either that or punch a wall. "You are perfect for me." I said softly as I started to calm down. "If I could wish up any type of person I wanted, if I could use magic to make me the perfect boy, he wouldn't even come close to you." I confessed. "I love you." I added in a whisper, and then started blushing like mad at my words.

"What did you say?" He asked, taking a step closer.

"I'm guessing you want me to repeat the _I love you _part, huh?" He nodded slowly. "I said I love you."

There was a short pause before Draco twisted his hand in my hair and brought his face down to kiss me.

"I love you too," he whispered breathlessly when the kiss ended. He left his hand in my hair.

"Really?"

He nodded once, and then kissed me again.

* * *


	10. Falling

Notes: Random little chapter that I enjoyed writing. This chapter was a chapter I knew would be added since the beginning. Ignore the errors are enjoy!  
Warning: Suicidal themes, self harm, cursing, the like  
Summary: He was so far under, all he could see was her  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
Reminder: **Please review!**

_

* * *

_

Don't turn away  
(Don't give in to the pain)  
Don't try to hide  
(Though they're screaming your name)

_-Evanescence, Whisper_

"I have to ask you a question." I said sometime later. Draco turned to me, waiting for me to continue. "And I hope you don't get mad."

"What?"

"Why do we keep our relationship a secret? Is it really that horrible for people to know you're my boyfriend?" I was afraid of the answer. Loony Lovegood with a boyfriend? Who was Draco Malfoy? That's a laugh.

"Because I don't want you to get hurt." He said simply. "I'm not the best person for you."

"Draco, we talked about this-"

"No, listen." He said sternly. I immediately closed my mouth and stayed silent. "I honestly believe that people would treat you differently, treat you badly-" I gave him a look "-treat you more badly than they do now if they knew."

I blinked. "Does the fact that I'm the school freak have anything to do with it?"

He looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"You aren't embarrassed because of me, or you?"

"Of course not." He said as if it was the most ridiculous thing he ever heard. "But we will make this public," he gestured towards our intertwined hands. "Not now, and not tomorrow, but soon. I promise."

I nodded, okay with that answer. I didn't even have to wait as long as I originally thought. It was a few days later and I was hurrying to Charms. That's when I saw Mitchell Ride. And it was a second too late when I saw him stick his foot out. I tried to stop or go around it, but I tripped over it and fell flat on the ground.

I didn't move, my face feeling hot with embarrassment. I heard laughter from the group behind me. I was mortified. I wanted to die.

Then I heard a voice that made my heart stop.

"You feel tough, Ride? She's a little fifth year and you're three times her size! Did your mother drop you on your bloody head when you were born or something?"

I couldn't believe it. I knew that voice.

It was Draco.

I lifted my head to see him walking towards me. Everybody in the hall stopped and was staring. They were silent.

"Are you okay?" he whispered as he grabbed my books and put my bag onto his shoulder, I nodded as he took my hand and helped me up. "Come on Luna," he said in a normal, even loud, voice, keeping his hand tightly gripped around mine.

"You better really love me," he mumbled as the crowd parted for us.

I couldn't help but smile. "Don't worry," I told him. "I do." We turned the corner and I stopped. "Thank you." I told him. I wanted to kiss him, but I controlled myself. "Why did you do it?"

"I was tired of seeing people push you around. I've been wanting to tell Ride off for a while now."

"So, are we out now?"

He nodded before he looked away. "I hope nothing bad happens." He paused. "Or things change."

Well, he was wrong. Things did change. First, Neville Longbottom came up to me and wanted to know if I was really dating Draco Malfoy, the apparent scum of not only the wizarding world, but the world in it's completeness. I felt myself get angry, but I tried not to take it out on Neville. He didn't know Draco like I did, so him being disgusted and confused and more disgusted.

The second thing that happened was better than the first. I was going to check out a couple of books from the library when I bumped into somebody. Books fell to the floor. I bent down without looking up.

"Luna, I am so sorry!"

I froze and looked up. The seventh year Ravenclaw who told me I didn't matter not only looked frightened, but bent down and started picking up my books and handed them to me.

"Um…it's okay?" I said, though it sounded more like a question.

We both stood up. "Oh, and I'm sorry about what happened over the holiday. It was just supposed to be a joke, but I could tell you didn't get it so I figured I should tell you and apologize." She was rambling. Then it hit me. She was afraid of Draco, which made her afraid of me because I'm his girlfriend.

Without saying another word, I got the books checked out and left to find Draco. When I finally found him, he looked startled. "What has got you in such a good mood?"

"All I know is we should have told everyone we were together a long time ago."

"Why? What happened?"

I explained what had happened in the library. "She looked honestly scared to death that I would tell you to attack her or something." I frowned, realizing something. "That's what you meant about things changing."

He nodded.

"Oh, I see," I said, nodding slowly. I shouldn't have told him. "This doesn't change anything between us, does it?" I asked.

He smiled slightly. "No." He said, sounding honest, but looking worried. I decided to drop the conversation.

* * *


	11. Leaving

Notes: This chapter is a little intense. There are two chapters left after this one and I won't lie, they aren't that good. Again, Luna and Draco might be out of character, but again, I don't care. Ha. Ignore any errors and enjoy.  
Warning: Suicidal themes, self harm, cursing, the like  
Summary: He was so far under, all he could see was her  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
Reminder: **Please review!**

* * *

_You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray  
And I stood there loving you and wished them all away  
And you come away with a great little story  
Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you  
__-Taylor Swift, Cold As You_

_**We have to talk. Meet me at the tower at lunch.**_

I stared at the note, a feeling of dread overtaking my entire body. This had to be a big deal. If it wasn't, Draco just would have talked to me someplace else. We stopped going to the Astronomy Tower when our relationship became public, almost a month ago. Lately, Draco had been acting funny, but I figured, I _hoped_, he would snap out of it. I almost didn't go to meet him, but I knew I had to. I walked up the stairs slowly. He was outside, leaning against the wall. I closed the door loudly behind me. He turned around.

"Hey," he said, putting his hands in his pockets.

I didn't want to beat around the bush. "What did you want to talk about?" I asked, wanting to walk towards him, but staying where I was.

"It's just…I've been keeping it from you for a while now." He confessed, looking guilty. "And I wanted to apologize before you see it."

Then slowly, he rolled up his left sleeve. My hand automatically jumped to my mouth when I gasped.

"Is that the…" I couldn't even say it. I was too shocked.

"The Dark Mark." He finished, not looking me in the eye.

I reached out for him, but pulled my hand back. I couldn't believe it. "Why didn't you tell me before? How long have you had it?"

"Just about all year." He said, sounding truthful. This was something I could believe. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want anyone else to know."

"Anyone _else?"_ I repeated shrilly. "Do your friends know?" He nodded. "Stop me if I'm wrong. So you told your friends, who you say aren't really your friends, but don't tell me, the girl you claim to be in love with? Because you didn't want anyone else to know. Am I wrong?"

"No."

"You should have told me," I whispered, looking away.

There was a short pause. "I didn't want this." He told me. "I don't want to be a Death Eater."

I glanced at him. He looked truthful, but I couldn't be sure. I felt betrayed, and it was a horrible feeling. "Then don't be one."

"It's not that simple."

"It is that simple. Go to Dumbledore-" he flinched and I don't know why, but I wasn't concerned about it "-he can help you."

"I can't."

"What do you mean you can't? You're confusing me. You don't want to be a Death Eater, yet you don't want to do anything to change it?" I asked, but he didn't reply.

Suddenly, I knew what had to happen. My eyes started to tear up. I took an unsteady breath. "I can't-" I didn't want my voice cracking. I wanted to sound strong. "I can't do this."

He glanced up sharply at me, looking surprised. "What?"

I took another deep breath. "You heard me." I said. "We can't be together anymore." I turned and started to leave.

"Luna, wait." I stopped but didn't turn around.

"I'm a lot better at goodbyes then you." I put my hand on the door handle. "I've had a lot of practice." I glanced back and quickly turned away. "I still care about you, so…don't do anything stupid."

And then I left.

* * *

_And if you have to leave  
__I wish that you would just leave  
Your presence still lingers here and  
__It won't leave me alone  
__-Evanescence, My Immortal_

Time passed, only I stopped caring about it. I went to class in a daze. I barely ate. I understood completely what people meant when they talked about hearts breaking. I kept my eyes cast downward all the, especially if I was around people.

The other students seemed to figure out something happened between us when we stopped talking, stopped being together, stopped _looking _at each other. Well, we made eye contact a few times, four to be exact. The first time was the day after I ended things. It was a quick glance. The second time was Valentine's Day while I was trying to block out all the chatter. It took everything I had to not look back at him. The third time was the day the students would be leaving for Easter holiday while he was saying goodbye to his friends. Apparently he was staying for the holiday and I spent the majority of my time in the Ravenclaw common room so I wouldn't accidentally bump into him.

But it was the fourth time that was the big deal. It was in June, while I was entering potions. It was just like what happened what seemed like forever ago. Draco was leaving and bumped into me. He saw it was me. The students around us stopped and were looking at us, as if waiting for something to happen. Draco opened his mouth, obviously trying to say something, I didn't give him the chance. I looked away and walked into the room and sat down. I pulled my book out and a piece of paper fell out of it. I bent down and picked it up. It had my name written across it in handwriting I knew. Slowly, I unfolded the paper and read:

_**I'm sorry I hurt you. I wish I could tell you in person, but this is the only way I can let you know. Tonight something big is going to happen. I'm doing something stupid, but I have to ask you to be careful. For me.**_

_**DM.**_

I was confused, but my heart also fluttered at the fact he cared enough to write me a note, as much as I wish it didn't.

---

I wasn't confused anymore. My fake Galleon from my days in Dumbledore's Army grew hot and suddenly it was on. Somehow, Death Eaters got into the school and while Harry Potter alerted the Order of the Phoenix, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Neville, and I started fighting.

The battle took a long time, but we come out victoriously. And it was after the battle that we learned what had happened.

Draco found a way to help other Death Eaters into Hogwarts castle. He went to the Astronomy Tower _(our tower, I thought miserably)_ where he tried to kill Dumbledore _(which explained why Draco didn't want to go to him for help) _but couldn't. Snape had to do it for him and they escaped. As much as I didn't like it, I felt relieved when I learned Draco wasn't hurt, but I didn't say anything. I didn't need everybody hating me, or thinking I was a spy.

When I went to bed that night, I not only felt miserable, I kind of hated myself for letting him go.


	12. Necklace

Notes: Yes, I am quite aware that this chapter sucks. It is also fast passed and jumps around and it not that descriptive. Don't be mad. I wrote this whole chapter without getting out of my bed to get my copy of the Deathly Hallows, so don't be offended if I get some stuff wrong. I stole a line from High School musical 3, but twisted it a little. Next chapter is the last chapter. Ignore any errors and enjoy.  
Warning: Suicidal themes, self harm, cursing, the like  
Summary: He was so far under, all he could see was her  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
Reminder: **Please review!  
****ALSO: I MADE A SHORT TRAILER FOR THIS STORY, SO IF YOU WANT TO SEE IT, SAY SO IN YOUR REVIEW OR MESSAGE ME.**

_

* * *

_

Do you remember me?  
Lost for so long  
Will you be on the other side?  
Or will you forget me?

_-Evanescence, Tourniquet_

It was the next year and it was dark. I was on the train, going home for Christmas Holiday. I was on my way back from the bathroom when I was hit with something. I woke up in a small space. I heard a small moan from across the room. I started to get up when I first noticed I was tied up.

"Nail."

I jumped at the sudden voice. "Who are you? What did you say?"

"There's a nail. To take the ropes off."

My eyes slowly adjusted in the very dim lighting and saw a man laying on a cot, who looked surprisingly familiar.

"Mr. Ollivander?" I questioned.

He coughed. "It's nice to hear another person's voice. It's been so long-" he coughed again.

"Don't talk." I told him. "Where's the nail?"

"In the left corner by the door."

It took me a few minutes to find it, and a few more to get the ropes off, but they finally gave. I moved my wrists, trying to loosen them up.

"What is your name?"

I jumped again, then turned in the general direction of the voice. "Luna Lovegood."

"Ah," he said. "10 and a half inches, willow, phoenix. Good for Charm work. Am I right?"

I was startled, but then I remembered Ollivander knew every wand he ever sold. "Yes, sir." I said.

"Too bad they probably took it."

I reached up involuntarily to my neck to play with my necklace when I realized it wasn't there. Only my butterbeer cork necklace was there. I got the urge to cry, but held it in. I was certain there'd be more to cry about later.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"Lucius Malfoy's Manor." Draco's father,

This was the thing I was talking about.

---

"Luna?" I forced my heart to remain calm as I watched Draco walk over to me. "Luna, are you okay?" He asked, setting a tray down.

"I've been better." I replied, sounding cold. "Where's my mothers necklace?" I demanded.

"What are you talking about?"

"You heard me. I want my necklace back." I said, trying to sound tough and in control but I think I failed.

Draco turned towards the door. "I don't know what you're talking about." And then he left. I gave Mr. Ollivander his share and part of mine and while he ate, I told him stories to keep his (and my) spirits up.

A couple days later (being in a small room with no windows made it hard to tell time) two more people joined us. A boy I went to school with named Dean Thomas (he was a 7th year Gryffindor I later found out) and a goblin named Griphook.

Draco would sometimes be the one bringing food for us. I hardly ate, giving most of my food to Mr. Ollivander, who I learned had been in the basement/prison for a long while before I showed up. Draco and I would talk briefly before he had to leave. Every time he entered, I tried to be cold and rude, but after he said his greeting, I literally feel myself melt and become my normal self. I still hated myself for what he could do to me.

A while after Dean and Griphook arrived, there was a ruckus coming from the floor above us. Before we had a chance to question each other about what we thought was going on, somebody opened the door and slammed it shut again. Suddenly, there was light.

"Harry?" I questioned. "Ron?"

Hermione was upstairs with the Malfoy's, her screams reaching us as we all talked briefly.

There was a lot of commotion and then I was being grabbed by Dobby the house elf.

"Luna!" I heard over the other voices. I looked up, and saw Draco. He threw something at me. It landed at my feet. I barely had time to bend down and grab it before Dobby took us somewhere else.

"Where are we?" Dean asked.

"The Shell Cottage." Hermione repeated.

Harry turned to me, looking distressed over something. I could guess a number of things and still not be right. "What did Malfoy give you?" He demanded rudely. Given the stress he was under, I let it go.

I opened my hand and looked. "My mother's necklace. It was taken from me when I was kidnapped." Harry suddenly had no emotion on his face. He knew what it must mean to me to have it.

Later that night when everybody else in the small house was asleep, I sat on my windowsill, looking up at the sky, following designs I found it the stars. That is when I realized something.

It was official. Only an idiot would fall in love with Draco Malfoy and then leave him. I hated myself for leaving him. And I hoped I would never see Draco again because I've run out of goodbyes.

* * *


	13. Epilogue

Notes: Last chapter. Hooray! I stole another line from HSM3. I needed a happy ending, so that's why it ends the way it does. I like it, so if you don't, well, sorry. Ignore any errors and enjoy.  
Warning: Suicidal themes, self harm, cursing, the like  
Summary: He was so far under, all he could see was her  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
Reminder: **Please review!  
****ALSO: I MADE A SHORT TRAILER FOR THIS STORY, SO IF YOU WANT TO SEE IT, SAY SO IN YOUR REVIEW OR MESSAGE ME.  
AND I'M GOING TO SEE HARRY POTTER TONIGHT AT 12:15!! I'M EXCITED!**

_

* * *

  
I'll be dreaming with you tonight  
Till tomorrow and for all of my life  
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be  
Than here in my room dreaming with you endlessly  
__-Dreaming of You, Selena_

But when did life ever go the way I wanted? It was May 2, 1998 the next time I saw Draco again. I was turning just leaving the Room of Requirement when I bumped into him. Others were coming from the room, giving Draco dirty looks, but luckily no one was attacking him.

"I have to go fight." I told him, trying to go around him. He grabbed me arms. "Draco, what are you doing?"

"I have to talk to you. Now."

"We don't have the time." I said.

He didn't let me go, he just continued. "You were right about everything and you were right to leave." I stood still and silent, listening. "I'm sorry I hurt you. When I found out you were the one my father and his followers kidnapped, I was afraid they would hurt you. And every time I tried to talk to you, you would be so cold-" so I was somewhat successful in my attempt "-but you always warmed up to me, so I hoped I still had a chance with you." He let out a short laugh without humor. "I couldn't go to Dumbledore because I was supposed to kill him, but I couldn't even do _that_." He sighed and lowered his arms. "I've never missed anybody more in my entire life. Luna Lovegood, I'm in love with you and I want to be with you forever."

My eyes started tearing up again. "I love you too Draco. You better live through this battle because…, because I don't think I'll survive a goodbye again."

With that, Draco took my face in his hands and kissed me with more passion than ever before.

"I'll find you after this is all over," he whispered breathlessly.

"Be careful." I told him.

"Always." And I watched him walk away.

I didn't have much time to think about what could be as the battle started and raged on. What little time I _had_ to think about him was just worry that he was dead somewhere. Worse yet, that I would stumble across his dead body.

---

The noise was deafening. The cheers were coming from every direction. I let out my own scream of victory that _I_ couldn't hear over the noise. The tables appeared as people calmed down, as calm as we could get. Voldemort was gone forever and it was all thanks to Harry Potter, who was somewhere in the crowd, most likely being congratulated.

I looked around the Great Hall, standing on a chair. I spotted him halfway across the hall. I waved my arms when he turned in my direction. He saw me and I climbed off the chair and rushed towards him. People moved out of our way as we met in the middle of the hall and embraced. I never felt so relieved in my life. I kissed him and hugged him again. Now that the war was over, I knew life could only get better.

---

**19 YEARS LATER**

"Scorpious! Abryanna! If we don't leave now, you'll miss the train and neither of you will go to school this year!" I yelled up the steps. I headed towards the kitchen. "Your twins are taking too long. Again." I told Draco as I walked by.

Though it sounded both horrible and a compliment, we both hadn't changed much, even as the years passed.

"My twins?" He repeated, laying his newspaper down. "I believe having children requires two people."

I blushed at his openness. Draco and I got married a month after Harry Potter killed Voldemort. At first my father wasn't too happy about the fact I was marrying a Malfoy, but he got over it once he got to know Draco. The same went for me with his family. I invited my friends (well, Ginny, Harry, Hermione, Ronald, and Neville) and even though they didn't like Draco all that much, like my father, they gave him a chance. They all weren't best friends, but they were friends, which was all I could ask for.

Scorpious and Abryanna bounded down the stairs. "Just because you turned 13 doesn't mean you can start being lazy." Draco told them, sounding like he was half joking, half serious, as he got his car keys and we headed to the train station.

When I first told Draco I was pregnant, he was worried he would be to our baby as his father was to him, but I managed to convince him otherwise.

As we waved goodbye to Scorpious and Abryanna and watched the train disappear around the corner, we saw Harry with Ginny and Ron with Hermione. They saw us and nodded. Draco nodded back and I waved before he wrapped his arm around me and lead me to the car.

I have to admit, I was excited. After all, it was four months until the twins would be home again.

* * *


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